By Dina Oktaviani
i try to write something
and pray for you
so that you can forgive me
from afar
in my head was a pile of songs
which will tie myself up
to your shadows
i look at the landscape through the window
calling for your breath
which i have known perfectly
but has no longer been touching my nose
the monsoon agony grows
when the kettle in the kitchen
stops whistling
and my little boy is sleeping in his room
sucking his two fingers
i try to dream about
your warm cheeks
to erase
the anguish of the sins in my lips
–your lips i adore
are they still sweet and moist
tonight?
inside, i know
are the words
inside is the core of my tears
but still i miss you
like a terrifying journey
of a train from town to town
which i could never stop
i try to write something
and pray for you
so that you can forgive
your love for me
but all the words
and beliefs
ran away from my solitude
–why should one’s head be above the heart
that my frail breasts
can not touch your ears
without lowering your face?
tonight
hunger breaks my heart
the poverty of my heart
hurts my stomach
there is no one outside myself
apart from the people i love
apart from the people who have been weaning themselves
off me